Everyone Deserves a Family: Adoption and Young Adults
The right to family is fundamental to our emotional well-being and is among our most important legal rights. Families give us strength, identity, and belonging. They provide the foundation and anchor when we first strike out on our own, support us when we take risks, and help us find out who we are. People define family differently; not every “family” is formalized in the law. Still, adoption provides a child both relational and legal permanency. The symbolism and reality of this legal tie is extremely meaningful. November is Adoption Month and celebrates the importance of family to us all, especially for older youth in foster care.
We asked older youth and young adults about their thoughts on finding family and on adoption. Below are the insights of Jason, 24 (pictured above with his parents), who is currently in law school and an advocate for youth in foster care. He was adopted at age 23 and speaks compellingly of the importance of family and the joy he has experienced from being part of a family. His story also teaches us that the child welfare system must do a better job of finding foster youth permanent family connections that make them feel loved and valued.
Did you want to be adopted when you were in care?
No. I was very independent. I did welcome mentorship, however, and it resulted in me meeting a retired gentleman who was volunteering with the YMCA in Sarasota, FL. My mentor was working with foster youth in high school to develop plans for higher education. He basically had to make a bet with me, that prompted me to apply to college and a plethora of scholarships.
Around a year ago, I was talking with my mentor and asked him if I could give my children his surname instead of mine one day. He gave me permission to do this, but he and his wife took it further and offered to adopt me. I was elated. My adoption was official November 5th, 2015. I never, ever would have guessed I’d be where I am in life without my parents.
People are always saying that older youth do not want to be adopted. Do you think this is true?
Honestly, when I was in care, I didn’t want to be adopted either. At that time, I felt so betrayed, abused, manipulated, and taken advantage of by adults who were supposed to have my best interests at heart. I thought that, for my safety and future, I was better off alone.
Perhaps it just takes someone to demonstrate what a loving home is to a child so that they can see it’s possible. For me, it wasn’t until I was around 14 that I realized how amazing family is.
Was there a specific moment or experience with your adoptive family when you felt a connection and felt you found your forever family?
The joy that I felt every time I went home, the comfort I felt about talking to them about what I should do with my life’s decisions. At first I was worried that my conservative, retired, adoptive parents might withdraw from me if I talked with them about all my hopes, plans, and questions about life. Instead, they discussed things I cared about and became very accepting while I learned how to communicate my positions more effectively to those with different points of view. I love my parents.
If a specific moment did not spark you to want to be adopted by this family, how did you decide that this was your family and you wanted to be adopted by them?
On one of the first visits I made to a college during the application process in high school, my mentor was with me. He would drive to any college visits in the state of Florida, as part of our deal. We were at the financial aid office, and the advisor called us in and started discussing with my mentor about how exciting it must be for him to witness his son starting college soon. My mentor instantaneously replied that he did not have the pleasure of being my father. I literally almost cried; it is a moment I’ll never forget.
I then remembered several years prior, at a school function with my birth mother’s brother, he was asked a similar question and replied, “Oh, he’s not my son.” I realized that I wanted to be someone’s son.
What are the things you most enjoy doing with your family?
I love helping them cook, or rather, asking them how I can help while they tell me to study before stuffing my face! I just generally love spending time with them and discussing everything from friendships, news, world events, local events, stories, etc.
What are your family traditions?
Every December my family and all of their friends in the local area—who are also referred to as my Siesta Key “Village” of extended family—have a breakfast and either run, walk, or spectate the Sandy Claws 5K Beach Run.
What does family mean to you?
Family are the people who love you no matter what and the people who you hope are around for as long as possible. They are the people who you want to experience the joys and sorrows of life with, the people who you are proud to post pictures of on social media, and between which you share a bond of love, inseparable by any trivial political or ideological construct.
How does your family support your goals and life aspirations?
Well, I’ve always worked and provided for myself. But, this year my parents are supporting me financially by paying for my housing in Miami, so I don’t have to take out an egregious amount of student loans. I feel bad about the reality and would certainly take out loans, but they’ve reassured me that they are doing it because they love me.
My aspiration is to continue advocating, through pro bono legal service or community services, for positive, impactful reforms to the child welfare system.
My primary goal for the future is to graduate at the top of my class, have a highly lucrative career in the private sector, and be a philanthropist in the community one day—just like my father.
How do you feel you’ve helped to shape your family?
Every family has issues they struggle with. No matter how perfect everything may look on the outside, we are all human and have problems. However, I always try to bring the best out of any situation where I see my family is not happy. My extended family in Siesta Key frequently tells me that one of the greatest joys in their life is seeing me do so well in life. I hope that my relationship with the dozen or so families on Siesta Key who constitute my “Village” of extended family will result in intimate, ever-lasting relationships between every one of them.